𝐈 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲.

I experience anxiety. Which is kind of odd considering my demeanor. Or, at least it is to me. Until my doctor gave it an official diagnosis, I called it stress.

I just know that I felt completely overwhelmed and had no freaking idea how to focus. There were too many thoughts and questions flying around in my head. And it was quite frankly extremely difficult to grab said thought and discern what was a priority, a nagging to-do list item, and my thoughts being a bully to me and telling me ‘I would never figure this out’. 

Somewhere along the way, busyness became my motto on how I should live my life. And to take full ownership. I allowed it. And this isn’t a ‘point the finger’ type share. But I will say, this has been a terrible thought that I allowed to take space in my head. Not only has this caused anxiety but it has been a thief of joy and has just downright made me question my abilities, my priorities, and completely took any peace I might have had.

The way to a successful life, that much of our culture talks about, is going to completely drain us and devastate us. I remember receiving a checklist via a text message. This checklist was a list of things most healthy, forward thinking, family oriented, career minded, organized, on point with style trends, millennial women attempt to do to be considered ‘successful’. And by god, when you read through this list if you’re not completely inspired and yet at the same time completely exhausted, then you my dear on in a league all on your own. And-I don’t know how you’re doing it and staying sane.

I kept thinking, what gives me peace and joy? What energizes me? What allows me to reflect and not feel inferior? Now, if you’re not a person of faith, you may not relate, but I invite you to keep reading if you’re at least intrigued. (But I won’t be offended if you decide to hop off at this point).

When I allow myself to have some ‘me’ time; to read, journal and reflect. That’s when I am most at peace. When I allow myself time to write and open up about the thoughts that I may be thinking. I get those thoughts out with no worry of judgment or solution. Then I take out my bible and start reading from my plan and my world starts to get slower. I can think and appreciate what God is sharing with me. Sometimes it’s something completely new, sometimes it’s a reminder. It’s always refreshing and many times it’s exciting. And then, when I’m not reading God’s Word and I don’t give myself time for reflection, I find that my anxiety just starts to creep up and it almost feels like it’s out of nowhere. But if I truly think about it, it’s usually a result of what’s going on with my thoughts. I try to be careful what I give my attention to (whether it’s books, podcasts, or messages on youtube). If I make sure it’s encouraging and that it gives wisdom, I personally feel more at peace and have more mentally sound thoughts. I feel closer to God during these times.

I’ve learned this past month, that if the devil can’t cause you to sin, he will certainly try to confuse you or distract you. As Christians, we have to make sure we are reading the Word that God has given us, everyday, otherwise it is all too easy to be manipulated.

So what am I getting at? When is the last time you stopped? When is the last time you allowed yourself to appreciate something? Whether that be music, a book, a view, your own thoughts? I would encourage you to try that, one time each day.  Notice how you start to feel. What do you discover about yourself or the world around you?

One Step Closer Bible